As the world commemorates 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence (GBV), now would be a good time to have a candid chat about what actually constitutes GBV. I’ve been getting feedback from some of you on social media and it seems many people are experiencing abuse without even realising it! So, let’s break down the different types of abuse that often show up in our homes.
Physical Violence: This one’s a no-brainer, but it’s still important to talk about. Physical violence means hitting, slapping, or any form of physical harm. In some circles, there’s this belief that for a man to show love or masculinity, he has to physically dominate his partner. We even have that phrase, “mamuna okukonda azikumenya”, which literally means “If a man loves you, he has to beat you up.” How heart-breaking is that? Sadly, a lot of women endure this, thinking it’s just the way things are in marriage. This needs to change and we have to recognise it for what it is: Abuse.
Sexual abuse: This is another tricky one. Sexual abuse happens when one partner forces the other into sexual acts they’re not comfortable with. Sometimes, people think that since you’re in a relationship, sex is part of the deal. But let me make one thing clear; no means no. Consent is key in any healthy sexual relationship and it’s absolutely necessary to have mutual respect for each other’s boundaries.
Verbal abuse: Now, this one might seem like just words, but words can be powerful. Verbal abuse happens when one partner belittles or insults the other, especially during arguments. It’s not just about what is said, but how it makes the other person feel. And let’s face it, no one deserves to be called names or made to feel worthless. Those hurtful words can stick around far longer than you think.
Psychological violence: This is a sneaky one because it doesn’t leave bruises or scars that are easy to see, but it can be just as damaging. It includes cheating, emotional manipulation and allowing third parties to torment or manipulate your partner. The emotional toll it takes on someone in this situation is immense and the damage can be
long-lasting. No one deserves to live in a constant state of anxiety, wondering if they can trust their partner.
S o c i o – e c o n o m i c violence: This one is particularly common in places where one partner controls the finances. If the one person is the primary breadwinner and uses that power to control or dominate the other, that’s also abuse. Imagine being stuck in a relationship because you’re financially dependent on someone who doesn’t share resources fairly or even takes your income away from you. That’s not just tough, it’s downright abusive. We need to break this cycle and ensure that both partners contribute to the financial well-being of the household without holding power over each other.
Cultural violence: And last, but not least, we need to talk about cultural practices that perpetuate inequality. In Malawi, like in many other places, there are cultural expectations placed mainly on women—cooking, cleaning and taking care of the home. But what happens when the wife works long hours outside the home and comes back tired? Well, according to some cultural norms, she can’t rest; she has to jump straight into household chores while the husband and others relax.
This imbalance often goes unnoticed, but can be a form of violence that contributes to emotional and physical exhaustion.
So, here’s to more conversations, more awareness and more action.
